apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
