My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
