I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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