I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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