yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
