I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
