what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
