My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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