Are we in a gay sports bar?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
