dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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