I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
