Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
