so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
