omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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