We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We got so high we made milksteak
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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