it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
