I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
