so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
