I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
