FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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