For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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