That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
