so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
