just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
