My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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