she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
