Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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