I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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