i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
