No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is my gift to your gina
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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