So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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