My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
