We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
