so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
