Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
