My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
