how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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