Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
