Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
