Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Randomize
