my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
