if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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