I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
