What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
