So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You can't just leave with hair like that
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
false alarm, still single
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
