i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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