The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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