1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
