I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
