I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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